Welcome to the jungle, baby.

I was planning to murder each and every last one of you in your sleep, but then I ate some chocolate. Now it's a Two for Tuesday! Enjoy!

The Magicagasmical Adventures of Ben Franklin and Some Sort of Hip Hop Dog.

Mad drama, son.

Hardcore Zen.

As most of you know, matching bed linens are an integral part of my existence. Of any existence. I will ruin this house with my anger.

Years ago, I attempted to purchase a starving Appalachian-American child from an infomercial I had seen at 3 AM. It never came. In a related story, no one has RSVP'd to my baby shower for my in transit box of Shamwows.

Where's that thing I made better? Oh. Right.

I am a media watchdog.

I like UnitShifter's logo because it reminds me of a panda. That link is not safe for work, by the way. Let's talk about fucking space babies...



PANDA FUN FACT: Many people assume that panda bears are mammals. They are, in fact, a form of wingless bird.

A Formal Review.

Mirrors is a documentary filmed in real time about Ben Carson, a man who happens upon a banshee of some description whilst attempting to solve a murder in precisely twenty-four American hours. The banshee, played by Broadway krump dancer Mary Beth Peil, confesses to the murder by burning a series of churches and daycare centers in the shape of a large arrow pointing to her house, ironically killing hundreds of additional victims. Ben falls in love with the banshee, and is eventually eaten.

I have no idea why this movie is entitled Mirrors; they are not only insignificant to the plot, but seemed to be absent from the film entirely.

Runtime, 110 minutes. Or 747.5 Swedish Kronor.


Favorite Movie Moment...

At one point, my strapping young date expressed confusion over the death of a minor character. "Wait. Didn't they just say the guy was killed in a subway in Holland?" he asked, his ingenuous eyes daring me to sex him up with every blink.

"No, baby." I explained seductively. "HARLEM."

"Oh."

- the movie

- the chocolate-covered espresso beans

- my date

For Jonathan's mom.

This Cartoon is Political in Nature.

Somebody once told me that having sex with a woman is like fucking a sack of Jell-O jigglers. I wonder if that person is still working for Bill Cosby.

Hey, let's look at something else I made...

Pin the tail on my inner donkey.

I'm bummed. The photograph I have been looking for is M.I.A. and I can't stop watching Shaye long enough to care.

UPDATE: I just took a bubble bath that was more bubble than bath.

You know you're a Swede when...

- You think you understand Danish.

- The Danish think you understand Danish.

- Ultimately, you realize that you really don't understand Danish.


Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the song stylings of Nik & Jay.