BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Monday, December 21, 2009

"ONLY three days?!?" - K-Dizzle

"Ping Pong Viet Cong" earned me a three-day suspension from EA Games. Check it...



Dear Tulip,

Your The Sims 3 account has been suspended from The Sims 3 website service for 3 days and the content removed due to the following violation of the Rules of Conduct.

Violation: Use of inappropriate Content(Nudity)
Terms of Service:
Transmit or facilitate distribution of Content that is harmful, abusive, racially or ethnically offensive, vulgar, sexually explicit, defamatory, infringing, invasive of personal privacy or publicity rights, or in a reasonable person's view, objectionable. Hate speech is not tolerated

Content or Asset:Ping Pong Viet Cong

The Terms of Service clearly define that this behavior and activity is not permitted on the The Sims 3 Exchange service. Electronic Arts has stated their goals of building a strong community that offers a comfortable atmosphere for all of our players. This sort of behavior does not have a place in our communities, and simply will not be tolerated. Please understand that any additional violations could and likely will lead to the immediate termination of this The Sims 3 account.

If you feel that this suspension is unwarranted, or if you wish to dispute the claims of this email, we ask that you please visit the Account Administration site at http://support.ea.com and use the “contact us” option so that they can review any possible discrepancies of this event.

Sincerely,

Electronic Arts
Customer Support



Twenty-four lucky players managed to grab Ping Pong before The Man could shut us down.



That's right, EA. I will challenge everything.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Forget Snorway.

It's time for this. OK, it is always time for this.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Rumors of my death have been blah, blah, blah...

House-hunting. Blog-neglecting. (Fallout 3-playing.)

Menu-planning. (The Indians call it maize.)

I have no comics, so let's do a clip show. Of this thing I made. Last year.



(Pssssst--ditch the can-shaped cranberries and have lingonberry jam with your turkey. You're welcome, America.)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Mysticisms!

Tulip Sniper is an anagram for...

inert pupils
pile turnips
lupine strip
inept I slurp, which inevitably leads to...
penis lip rut
priest lupin
and without a doubt my favorite, plies tip urn.

Because I will ballet the fuck out of your Aunt Maltilda's ashes, chump.



Sunday, September 20, 2009

My dog typed this.

;p[.u8i '][





/'
BBBBBBBBBB&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&HKMMjjj,

f/'rTT555555555555555555555555g?"
tf'[rg5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5g5\
\
mikjuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJnmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmknmk

Monday, September 14, 2009

Av ko gudar och damer.

Detta är en Lumsk sådan dag. Alla Norska och mystisk. "Vi är alla bara brickor i ett fruktansvärt vårdnadstvist mellan liv och död." säger Norrmännen. Eller de skulle. Om de talade Svensk.

Titta på följande arbeten, mina barn, och förtvivlan!



Ordet i din kollektiva mödrar.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Double Penetration.

Pokémon: DP Battle Dimension.

DP.

Ahem...


Which apparently follows the wacky, Three's Company-esque hijinks of two strapping young school boys and their prepubescent child-whore. Oh, and Pokémons. Pokémi? Fuck it, here's a picture...

"Ash, you may have to tag in Squirtle--your wiener is so lithe and feminine."


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Secrets!

I worry that there will be a super-flu-induced, zombie apocalypse. Or, quite inversely, that there shall be a zombie apocalypse and I will not live to see it--thus making my years upon years of germ phobia and constant worry for naught.

The "How To of the Day" is "How to build an adjustable agility seesaw for dogs". True story.

But this isn't about any of that:

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Conspiracy!

antacid - A substance, such as magnesia or sodium bicarbonate, that neutralizes acid.

ant acid - A poisonous, often projectile secretion of an ant which causes muscular convulsions and eventually slow, painful death via asphyxia.

Either way, no more tummy aches. Win/win.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Celebrity Gossip!

Charlie Sheen is like the industrious ant, squirreling away picnic crumbs, delicate drops of morning dew, and whores all summer long, whilst you lazy grasshoppers languish in your hammocks, sip hard lemonade, and fail to appear in underpants commercials with America's sweetheart, Michael Jordan.

So I made this...

CafePress that shit, somebody with more time than I.
$$$

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Happy breakfast!


Cherry Chupacobbler, chumps. Pre-bake. I am the Princess of Pastry!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

New socks!

I'm going to go ice-hiking. Which is a clever euphemism for ice-hiking.

Now watch this.



Touché, Snorway. Touché.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Good to know.

What would you taste like to a cannibal?

Created by Recipe Star



In other news, there is no other news.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Mommy, yes!

TK has a Twitter account.

--------------------------------------------------->

Tune in. I'll probably say "cunt" a lot.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

TK Quote O' the Day.

"See? I infiltrated your mind with my soup lust."

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Happy Smarch!

DMV tomorrow. Because I long to drive freely and in a manner suggestive of the law, pigdogs. Wait. No. I just need a valid picture ID so I can vote...in favor of me...buying booze. For America. 9/11.

Until then, try not to not laugh at this!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Ack.

My computer, she is broken. So it would require a substantial effort on my behalf to cook up the comics you so desperately crave. And by substantial, I mean some. I would do anything for love, my Blogspot compatriots. But I won't do that.

Y'know, Blondie wrote an unusual amount of songs about calling people on the phone. Me, I hate the phone. But I can certainly respect Deborah Harry's right to artistic expression.

We have a new alarm clock. It can project the time onto the ceiling. Witchcraft!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

No punchline.

But you should know that signs are like, 9/10 of the law. Or something.



On an unrelated note, and they always are, I am going to sell Grandma TK's Cherry Chupacobbler via internet and swim around in a big room full of money like Scrooge McDuck.

Friday, January 2, 2009

TK's Best Ten of 2008.

In no particular order...

1. Skin tape.

2. Xbox 360, and subsequently Silent Hill: Homecoming.

3. Adam D's sideburns.

4. Philly cheese steak sandwiches made with chicken a la Jersey Mike's.

5. The Goddamn Misadventures of Motherfucking Flapjack.

6. Quarantine, Blindness, and Let the Right One In.

7. CollegeHumor.com

8. The Acacia Strain's Continent album.

9. Homemade jello shots.

10. USB-powered foot warmers.